Nate's Workshop On Horrible Writing #6

Copyright 1998-2004 by Nate Leved

Yet More Writing Tips:
PLOTS: Funny. I've read several dissertations on plots, and never once did the authors ever bother to explain just what a plot was. They simply assumed that their readers already knew. I never assume anything. I'll bet there are lots of people wandering about who have never been able to find out what the hell a plot really is. Well, here it is folks, a plot is simply the story line. It's the main story of a novel or short story or whatever. Here is a simple plot: I went down the road to get a watermelon. When I got there, the watermelon was gone. Someone had stolen it. Just replace the watermelon with a multi-million dollar bank robbery, and there you go! Here is another. "Jack and Jill went up the hill to get a pail of water. Jack fell down and broke his crown, and Jill came tumbling after." It sounds a lot like the Eiger Sanction to me...

Anyway, there are only so many plots, some say only a few more than a hundred, but it matters not as there are an infinite number of variations for your antagonist and protagonist to pound around in. Not only that, but each individual scene offers a multitude of opportunities to make the hearts of your readers beat faster or bring on the sniffles. The author of the "Book of Ecclesiastes", probably David, asks, "Is there anything new under the sun?" The answer is, Probably not! However, your settings, background, color, mood and, situation, plus the order and style in which you string it all together can make the same old thing appear new, bright and different. That's what counts! Then too, the quality, makeup and emotional condition of your characters can kick the whole thing up to notches unknown. Take two people, a male and a female and place them on a festive Caribbean cruise ship, and you have one kind of story. Take the same two people and place them in the catacombs under a French Castle, and you have yet another sort. Add a creature or too and a bunch of mumbo-jumbo, and "hoo-ha," another horror story is born!

Don't worry about having a totally different plot as that could drive you nuts and is probably impossible anyway. No matter how different your story, some nerd would sooner or later come running up with some moldy-oldie manuscript that had something similar. Who cares? Get on with your story. In fact, pick out a readable story that you like, read it, outline it, and then change all of the characters, change the settings, change the time frame or historical reference, steer the characters off in some different direction, change the ending and add a couple of twists like maybe a kick boxer or a ninja, and "Whaaa!" You have just written the next best seller!

SURPRISE IS HORRIBLE: One way to generate horror in your plot (story) is to catch your readers off guard. Right! You put Mary Jane Appelshienner in a graveyard at the stroke of midnight on All Hallows Eve, and sure enough, your readership expects Mary to have a thrill. I mean when Mary leans back against a tombstone and the monster rises up and grabs her tush, your story is pretty much following the expected chain of events. So where is the shock in that? What's so horrible?

On the other hand, show Miss Mary clicking down the sidewalk in her new four inch heels on a bright, sunny day in the middle of downtown USA and it's a different story. There she is, swinging her tight, little hips and poppin' her chewing gum when, "BAM," the manhole cover in front of her slides aside, and gnarled hands reach up and pull her down the hole. She's gone to a fate worse than death in a heart beat, and as the manhole cover slides back into place, your audience is left wondering just what the hell happened? At that point, you can either dive under ground and follow the action, or better yet, jump to another segment of your story and let your readers stew for a while. Now, that's horrible.

THEME: The theme is nothing more complicated than the subject or topic of your story. If you want to sell stories, it would be well to pretty much stick to it. If your story is about a particular bank robbery, you'd best stick to ideas connected to the main thrust of that particular event, leaving the space aliens and mushroom collecting for another story. You can include all the human interest side trips you want as long as they make sense, fit with, and don't detract from the story. The whole idea is to write believable fiction. In other words, given these particular circumstances, such things could actually happen.

ANTAGONIST / PROTAGONIST: These characters are basic to most horrible stories. The antagonist is the evil one, the adverse personage who wishes to kill, maim, harm or plunder. He is the bad guy, and his job is to antagonize the protagonist. So, the monster in your story will, in most cases, be the antagonist unless he is somewhat akin to "Swamp Thing" as usually the monster wants to hack up your protagonist, drink her blood or at least steal her soul. Monster's (in stories) almost never have sexual relations with their protagonists. Neither do heroes. The protagonist then is the defender of soul, self or property and mightily struggles against the evil antagonist who is usually bigger, stronger, meaner or has some other sort of an advantage such as supernatural, diabolical or magical powers.

HERO / HEROINE These are usually the good guy/gal characters in most stories. Though sometimes, the heroine is the main female character in a story, in effect becoming the protagonist. The hero is the red-blooded defender of the downtrodden who will when and where possible save the heroine or protagonist from the evils of the monster (antagonist). The hero, too, is usually a fool as just when he has it made, he rides off into the sunset, leaving the goodies for the shoe clerks. That's why so many beautiful women are married to fat old, men who smoke cigars. Hero's are inherently stupid.

FEAR / HORROR: Remember that fear is the backbone of horrible stories. Fear vicariously creates horror by personal projection. What if that happened to me? What would I do? Watching a pig get butchered is not particularly horrible to most people. It is lunch. But just let that old monster make motions like he is going to start hacking up Judy Beth Tullison, and that is horrible! That cold, underlying thread of doom or disaster is what makes readers turn pages. And there it is... Why should they turn your pages? How do you keep them turning your pages? Well, their fascination with fear and the revulsion of horror, even though vicariously experienced, is what it's all about. Did you ever drive by an accident on the Freeway? Have you noticed that traffic, instead of proceeding in an orderly manner to its destination is virtually stopped while drivers creep by the scene, trying to see the broken bodies lying about? The same thing happens at fires, earthquakes and wars. So, create an event, foreshadow that event, tease them on with it and readers will keep on turning your pages. They will do it if for no other reason than because they want to gawk at the coming destruction, disaster or the chance to actually read about the monster hacking up Judy Beth Tullison.

IRONY: Another popular device is best described by the old quote, "Even the best laid plans of mice and men go askew." So, every once in a while, include a bit of irony in your stories. Reader's love it when the evil magician gets eaten by the daemon or the tables otherwise get turned. Irony can also be created by swapping places. Just imagine Aladdin's chagrin should he open the genie's bottle and then find himself trapped in that bottle! Slap-Bang! I once wrote a story about the singles scene. You know, placing ads and making phone calls? Anyway, the story ends up with this guy who considers himself quite a lover and a master of the conquest, taking out this really beautiful gal. They have a good time, and later, he tries to engineer her into the bedroom. Well, she goes along with it, but when they embrace, she turns into the mummy bitch from hell and rips the startled fellow from stem to stern. Now, that's irony. Find uses for it in your stories.

TENSION BUILDERS: Obviously, you can't have horrible events happening on every page, so learn to use tension building devices instead. I mean like every body knows that the Great White Shark is somewhere out there in the water. The question is just where? Well, you only have one big shark to go around, so you have to save the destruction of that puppy for the grand finale! What to do, what to do? Well, since you can't simply kill the shark, you have your characters go about their normal business like ducks on a pond. Show them fishing, swimming, playing and water skiing. However, every once in a while, when nobody is looking, you let your shark swim up and take somebody out. Plop! Of course, when your observers turn around, there is the mess in the water. Or maybe there is no mess in the water. Not for a couple of days when at last, the bodies, or better yet, pieces of the bodies float up to shore and are accidentally and startlingly discovered.

Of course, after you've done that a couple of times, your readers expect such tactics. That's when you pull the feint. Throw in a few false alarms to throw them off! Show them the shore patrol boat dragging the bottom for aunt Bessie. They are using a power winch off the stern of the boat, when the drag catches something. Man! The winch smokes, the boat sets down in the water, and your reader's think that the harbor patrol guys have hooked the big shark. They figure that the bad boy is going to swim up to the surface and ram the little boat, causing it to sink. However, this time, it doesn't happen. Instead of the shark, the patrolmen have snagged a big power cable. Whew!

DISBELIEF: Nobody believes in the Bogeyman anymore. Take advantage of that. Show them that they are wrong. Few readers expect you to sacrifice the heroine. Raise their eyebrows. Have your characters do the unexpected! Let the monster brick up Alice in the alcove. That will make them swallow hard! Tread upon conventions, break taboos, and raise general Hell when it's time to raise Hell! Hey, this is the nineties! Nobody believes in anything. Change that! Do everything in your power to scare the stuffing out of your readers. That is why they have paid their nickel, so give them their money's worth.

DO RESEARCH: Anytime you expound, make reference to or explain anything which you are unfamiliar, research that puppy before you make yourself look silly. I've read big deal authors who have made reference to an UZI with a 400 round clip. Right. A four hundred round clip of 9 mm ammo would weigh about 15 to 20 pounds, depending upon bullet weight and construction! I just reached up on the shelf and weighed a box of 50 9 mm cartridges before I shot off my literary mouth. Such a box weighs about a pound and a half. Multiply that by eight and add to that the metal framework, follower, hardware and a big, long spring. See? Imagine carrying and trying to shoot anything that heavy! More than that, think of the mechanical problems associated with such a device. Imagine stacking up a spring long enough to feed 400 rounds! Not likely! Even drum magazines are limited to about 50 rounds. That's why high-rate-of-fire machine guns make use of belt or hopper feeds. Boy, oh boy... Even if you are writing about a myth, research that myth. Someone will be an expert on it, and they will very likely point out your ignorance, perhaps, at an inopportune moment.

ENDINGS: I used to agonize over endings. I thought that endings had to be something special like the fireworks at midnight on New Year's Eve or a giant orgasm slowly worked up to in a fit of sweat. Not so. Most stories just end. Sure, the loose ends are tied up, the problem resolved or mostly so, and everybody breaks for lunch or the hero rides off into the sunset. Still, every time I read such a book, I tend to ask myself, "Now why in the Hell did I read that? So what?" I still can't stand a passive ending. To me, an ending should be a sort of a punch line! Rockets should go off! The heroine should get laid! Why not let the monster win? Do something different. End upon a note of irony. Leave the gate open for a sequel. Fool everyone and do the unexpected. Try to put a snap or a twist on your endings. This device will make your readers remember your work and perhaps even cause them to buy your next story.

Nate

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