Satan is a good provider, I asked for riches
and they came my way. Thankful, I was!
Contented, too-- or so I thought I was, as
best as I could understand contentment at
the time. Yes, life was good, but soon, I
wanted more and got it. Again, success
and contentment was mine for a time, until
I wanted love, and then without thinking,
asked for that. Love though, didn't come
so easily because my heart was of stone. I
had finally asked for something I couldn't
take. Not that the opportunity for love did
not present itself, for it did. I just couldn't
accept it, as the time wasn't right.
Too much had happened, and the past was
mine enemy. Until I could escape the sore
darkness of my past, I could not know the
contentment of love, even for a time, as to
try would be a lie. I remain alone in my
darkness, stepping on roses by choice not
from lack. True love would free me if I
would let it, but no. That is not possible
yet, as I would rather tread upon the fair
blossoms than smell their fragrance.
I bought a cute puppy with long silken
hair, pink tongue, shining eyes and a tail
that wagged when I came home, but even
that did not stay the specter of my hurt and
soul darkness. Even so, I could not love.
Time passed. Ladies I met in profusion, "Oh
what a cute puppy," they would coyly say,
reaching for his warmth while smiling out
loud, but the Arctic of my soul soon cooled
their aspirations toward my puppy and me.
Time passed and the chill daemon winds
strongly blew from my polar soul in the
clutches of blackest night that brooded in
the darkness, shunning all light, mirth and
frivolity. "Let me out! Let me out," cried
the child within, knowing true distress and
whimpering in some forgotten astral cave
where frigid waters dripped from the dank
walls of total despair. "Come out, and you
I shall kill, you little bastard. Shut up!"
Silence. The world stood still, frozen in
time and hateful memory of a past that had
soured as stale milk left too long in the
warm sun. A snapshot of misery on my
sleeve. I lived in a Hell of hatred and
discontent that was not mine, for I had
done nothing to deserve such treatment...
Sob. Could I love again? Not on your
life. Sob! Could I hate? I know nothing
else. Feted hatred boils like pure liquid
nitrogen within me . Cold gases swirling
in madness and pain, knowing of death in
my heart, for I have become a destroyer,
looking for prey in the night. Anything to
gain release from the contamination of the
icy clutches of rank death that drains the
last vestiges of human warmth from my
very soul.
Where soft arms and hearts would reach
out, I would defile them with the chill
hand of death as token payment for love
and lust gone wrong a long time ago in
another day. Old accounts must be settled,
and so I will settle many. A twist here and
a turn there, and I find myself in a new
place, peering from the shadows at the
visitation of vain memories that hover in
my mind's eye behind the scarlet veil of
icy hatred that seethes in my heart that
now knows purest evil.
I walk the night, quiet as a cat, sensing an
opportunity for release nearby in the gray
shadow world of my chill heart. I hear her
words, "Mister, do you need something?
Mister?" Sure. I need something, all
right. I take her hand without word and
walk her deeper into my world of shadows
until we come to a dead end, a place of no
turning. Light does not enter there.
She knows what to do and begins slowly
undressing in the darkness, hopeful of
succor and compassion, but I give her
none of these, as I have none to give. But
my lust grows and I do give her that and
more as we moan in each other's arms and
the short hairs stand at attention. Faster,
harder, long strokes, shortening as the
fervor increases to a Hellish pitch. I, from
a long way off, hear her screaming as I
push my blade deep within her again and
again until silence slips in on little cat feet
and carries her soul away into the abject
darkness, and, I am once again, content for
a time.
