Truly, a camel is a Monday critter. Oh, not the Monday before or during Creation, but the Monday after. The morning after, in fact. Truly, it is a beast that only a "God Of The Desert" could dream up and fob off upon mankind, so I'll warn you here and now that I'm not going to blame the camel upon Lucifer-- no matter how much anyone bleats.
However, we are a tolerant and resourceful people, and can very well get used to and eventually assimilate into service almost anything on feet-- even the afore mentioned camel. It just took a little while longer than some of the other creatures to discover its uses. I suppose that is how it became known as the "Ship Of The Desert". Those large, padded feet are just the thing for trudging through the endless sand. Then too, its ability to guzzle vast quantities of water, enough for about three days travel, makes it an ideal choice for transversing those vast stretches of sand and dunes between oasis on the way to Mecca or along the Silk Road.
Now, most people will admit, if only grudgingly so, that the camel is, in fact, a useful beast, even if it has no endearing qualities. This is true in spite of all of its outright weird physical characteristics, downright awful stench and almost comic array of goofy and agrestic noises, squeals and grunts that often punctuate, or shall we rather say, rupture the more serene of desert nights, making even the hair on the back of one's hands stand up. The real rub, however, with the camel is not its looks, smell or sound effects, but its despicable attitude and egregious temper.
Given half a chance, it will spit right in your eye. Now, I don't know whether or not you can appreciate the full and far reaching effects of that foul smelling, bacteria-laden, homogeneous lugie upon your person, but yea verily, I say unto thee, that many camels have been assaulted, killed, or to say the least, severely wounded for continuance of the practice. Whether the camel in question is allowed to live or to be summarily executed, depends wholly upon its forbearance and the quality of its memory.
Another problem with cameldom in general is flatulence. Camels, much like many of their human counterparts, have absolutely no amenities or graces whatsoever, and anytime a preoccupied camel driver or moderator should venture too close to the posterior of one of the rough beasts, he is likely to be enveloped in a green cloud of camel exhaust, not to mention being sprayed with elixir of camel, and perhaps, even splattered with fresh camel dung in a most inartistic, Mondrian pattern upon his burnoose. These or combinations of these insufferable insults against humanity have also brought many a camel to its demise and even to the dinner table in certain cases, as desert people are wont to waste anything, even a despised camel.
It is therefore assumed that camels use these natural facilities to aggravate, insult, and even demean humankind and its spiritual superstructure much as hominids and even some Homo Sapiens under certain conditions when they feel offended, outraged, overworked, chided, put upon, or otherwise threatened. The main difference, of course, between the camel and its offended Homo Sapien counterpart is that the Homo Sapien can shoot off its mouth in addition to all of the above.
Now, in avoidance of the wanton destruction of camels and other insensitive creatures for participating in their natural, acquired and contrived cultural manifestations, thoughtful cameleers and savvy moderators alike have discovered certain downright effective educational handling techniques that have over the years, brought about remarkable and long lasting results. Techniques such as these have contributed greatly to the general utility and success of causing camels and the like to identify, reevaluate and actually reconsider their untoward actions. Too, such devices have brought about reliable restrictions of the reactions and generally offensive outbursts of such individuals, causing them to think before firing off their acquired and natural arsenal of animalistic manifestations toward their neighbors, society and it's spiritual hierarchy, albeit whomever or whatever it or they might be at the time.
Anyway, one of the most highly thought of and well respected devices for sensitivity control is the lowly brick. Actually two bricks. Anyway, such outright offensive creatures are necessarily extremely tough and often stupid beasts. So much so, in fact that clubbing or otherwise scourging them seldom brings the desired reversals of temperament. Then, due to the fact that such critters are so insensitive that a handler more often than not will outright kill the untenable beasts before having any meaningful effect upon their attitudes, outlook on life or social behavior, we have devised a yet more reasonable solution.
Henceforth, the bricks. When the camel, for example, throws a bitch-fit, fires its load and is otherwise out of ammunition, the offended cameleer merely retrieves his two bricks, approaches the straining camel's rear quarters, a brick in either hand, takes aim on the camel's testicles and "WHAP!" Bricks him! Believe me, nothing catches the attention of a camel, hominid or even a Homo Sapien like being severely Bricked!
Now the beauty of "Bricking" is that the Brickee, seldom forgets the lesson! Years after a couple of good Brickings, even the meanest, stupidest and most insensitive of beasts will recollect the experience and hold his peace in the shadow of the Bricks. Why some camels and people too, have learned to quietly hum or even sing to themselves, eyes rolled back in their heads, when they eventually realize that a good bricking is eminent.
But that's not all! It has been discovered that when camels and their counterparts, much like donkeys, mules or jackasses become balky and lie down in the road, refusing to move another inch, a good bricking can virtually always relieve the "vapor lock" and get the rough beasts moving again, post haste. Then too, when there is a really long track between water holes, it has been well proven that, while the camel driver holds the reins of the beast when it has its lugubrious snout in the water, if an assistant will sneak up behind the camel and quickly brick him, the camel will more than likely suck up an extra two or even three days supply of water, allowing the insufferable beast to, perhaps, travel all the way to Mecca without any further display, disruption or outbreak.
The same sort of action/response methodology holds equally true for that more offensive breed of humankind who obviously shows itself to be in dire need of a less than subtle awakening. Truly, this sort of action is sorely needed so that those individuals concerned, might in due course, reevaluate their stance upon the reality of Lucifer, his minions and the value and importance of reasonable respect toward other people in any given macrocosm of the social continuum. Toward this end, we shall, do to the anonymity of the Internet, where it is near impossible to deliver unto such persons the good bricking they so richly deserve, simply abide our time, hold back and let the Devil do the bricking. Let Ba-al defend Himself!
